"No, she's dead. This is her son." ~ Kurt from GLEE!

And it's back to me being on my own again. Casey ran away, it seems. My text messages and phone calls go unnoticed, which is just proof that he and I aren't meant to be. Honestly, I could've told you all that much sooner but whatever. Lvlien and I are still talking so I'm remaining hopeful and trying to not get super attached yet, which we all know is difficult for me :/

I think this is just proof I need to concentrate on me, myself, and I for a while. I can like the guys, and heck I can even love them, but maybe a relationship isn't perfect for me right now. And my standards are going to go way up. I want someone like me; someone who wants love and all that, someone who can be random and giggle at stupid, corny things, someone who likes to cuddle more than have sex. Honestly, that sounds like Dollface but he and I are just friends, and we're happy that way.
I want someone who can sit on the phone with me for hours and not get bored. Someone who will watch my favorite movies and television shows with me, even though I've seen everything a million times before, just so they can understand me more. Someone who will go to concerts with me and protect me against the mosh pits. Someone nice, cuddly, and dependable (no, dude from He's Just Not That Into You, that doesn't mean I won't sleep with you eventually!). Someone who will help me support my ice cream and energy drink habits, and enjoy them! Seriously, like I said, I want the male version of myself. He's out there...hiding.

Also, Kyle has deleted his Facebook because I won't date him, or so it seems. Seriously, that was so high school and I'm sorry but I had to move on. Can't stay pining over one guy forever unless he's going to sweep you off your feet right then and there, eh? :)

Alright, I'm done ranting. Time to get the kitty ready for the vet. My Dewey decided to fight with neighborhood cats and get injured *sigh*
until next we meet...
♥*

Random venting session at 12:30am

The old adage says "Old habits die hard". Well, in my life, it seems to be "Exboyfriends don't know when enough is enough". For instance, just when I start to get over one of them, 3 of them come out of the woodwork and begin attempting to woo me back. Seriously, some of them I've dated 2, 3, even 4 times; it's just a hopeless cause if we got back together. I can honestly tell you how it would end and when, and that's pretty bad.
For right now I'm living the "Whatever happens, happens" lifestyle, and I'm loving it. I get to be me and not have to answer to anyone over anything. Yes, I still look to Dollface, Cora, and now Lvlien for advice, but that's a given. I don't have all the answers to everything, and sometimes they seem to :)

"I've got no strife; I'm loving life. Could you say the same?" ~ Smash Mouth :)
until next we meet...
♥*

"It's 3 AM, She won't put out, Let's go make-out with her friends, Make-out with her friends..." ~ Mindless Self Indulgence!

Since yesterday I've had a new-found love of the band Mindless Self Indulgence. I've always liked them but now I know they're happy and bouncy...even if the lyrics aren't. This song just happens to be my main ringtone for the day :D

Since my last post...
I went to see The Used at Northern Lights last Wednesday and it was amazing! Getting hit in the head with a shoe was totally worth meeting them afterwards :D
Yesterday, I met my friend from online in person, Lvlien. Seriously, he's a really great guy and I like him lots :D And to think he seems super shady but that's just because you have to meet him in person to understand. He came and picked me up, took me to his apartment, hung out with me for almost 10 hours, then brought me home. Most fun I've had in forever, and his friend's pretty cool too :) I can't wait to hang out with him again! <3

Casey has decided to come back into my life (surprise, surprise). Seriously, though, I'm confused about him; one minute he's all fine and dandy, and the next he seems confused too. Lvlien thinks he could be a bit bipolar. *sigh* Also, Kyle has decided he's in love with me too. I'm thinking this is a bit ridiculous. I know what I like and what I want out of life. I just need a guy who can accept that and still want me.

Okay, I'm freezing. It's starting to feel like winter again here :( Please, for the love of God, don't let it snow anymore! :'(
until next we meet...
♥*

"And that's why Your eyes (I'm over it) Your smile (I'm over it) Realized (I'm over it, Over it, Over it)..." ~ Katharine McPhee!

Normally I wouldn't listen to or quote this kind of music, but for real it's so fitting for me right now.
Casey decided to come back into my life and say he still loves me and wants to give me another chance (big shocker there) so like a puppy I went back to him with the thought every girl has in this situation: "Maybe it'll be different and better this time". Different, yes; there seems to be another girl who gives him affections over Facebook, and in all honesty, I'm done. Seriously, I need someone who actually wants to be with me for good and isn't going to leave me every other week only to come back and do this whole thing all over again. It's ridiculous. And I'm sick of it. I do love him, don't get me wrong; he's one of the only guys I could really say "I love you" to and not regret it, but he doesn't seem to really love me. Like Dollface and I decided, maybe there's more than just me and the other girl he's "mackin'" on. For real, though, I need a decent guy. I'm done with these boys who only want one thing and/or who can't make up their minds.
This is why I'm in a relationship with myself on Facebook :) Only I can love me like I want to be loved, in every way, shape, and form. And that is that!

*sigh* So much angst and drama.

until next we meet...
♥*

"Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times?..." ~ A Rocket to the Moon!

I'm up at FMCC for the day, while Tawny is in and out of class. I also have a slight cold and sound like a pubescent little boy due to lack of voice but I'm going to make the best of my day :) That's all we can do, right?

Yesterday I rewatched GLEE season one to gear up for season two, which I saw the first episode of as well :P I'm going to make copies of that season too when all the episodes are out. And I'm seriously considering auditioning; like Dollface and I said, the worst they can say is "You suck." Once I don't sound like a pubescent boy I'll post a video for it :) *crosses fingers*
I've also been talking to one of my exes, Dan, and things seem to be looking up, although we do have a lot to catch up on. He and I haven't spoken in almost 3 years I believe...yes, A LOT has changed.

Alright...I spot an Andrew-Kitty :D
until next we meet...
♥*

"Some will win, Some will lose, Some were born to sing the blues..." ~ GLEE!

I KNOW MY SUBJECT SONG IS ORIGINALLY BY JOURNEY! I just happen to be liking the Glee Cast version better nowadays. That show has been my obsession for the past couple weeks or so, and if I'm correct they're still holding auditions on MySpace. I'd love to audition but I know I'm not good at singing or dancing, so I'll live vicariously through my friend Matt and make him audition because he's AMAZING at both :D For now I shall just settle for being a GLEEk and watch the new episode later.

Alrighty. So.
Casey and I are talking again, or at least we're trying to. It's a trying process I think; too much history between us. My ex, Billy, asked me out today and I told him I'm not looking for a relationship of any kind right now, which is true; I'm sick of being hurt and thrown to the curb after 2 weeks. So now this new guy, Garrett, is texting with me and getting annoyed that I'm just not looking to immediately jump into a relationship with him, but like I said...don't want to get hurt. Now I have trust issues. Grr.
Other than that, I think James is off my phone plan now. I was going to kick him off yesterday but he convinced me that he was leaving it today to go on his father's phone plan so I hope that's what happened. It's not that I hated having him on; it's complicated.

GLEE STARTS BACK UP AGAIN TONIGHT! :D I just have to wait for Hulu to have it online later so I can watch it :)

until next we meet...
♥*

"Sex in stereo, Don't turn the radio down" ~ All Time Low!

It's been a while since I've listened to All Time Low but Dollface just texted me asking what a good ATL song is, which is like asking me to recite the Declaration Of Independence :P I love All Time Low, especially "Remembering Sunday". I remember the first time I heard that song; it was at a Pops Concert while I was still in High School and a kid named Josiah played it on guitar with an introduction that said "This is for my girlfriend, because her hair smells like cinnamon". Ahhh, memories.

Today was pretty good. I got up, got dressed, and took a bunch of pictures to which I will show you a couple of them:

I've always wanted a picture with Dollface. He sent me a text message. There you go.

I think I'm improving in looks :) The one where my head is tilted has to be my favorite :D
Then at 4:15 I had an orthodontist appointment. The doctor tightened every wire in my mouth so I'm a little sore right now :/ Then when I got home my littlest brother threw a DVD at my face so my entire head hurt. At 6pm I went to SHIN3_Live where I saw my friends Matt, Emily, Chris, and Stephanie, and I also ran the projector with the song lyrics so everyone could sing along. Catchphrase of the night was "There's an app for that!" thanks to Emily. When I got home at 8 I ate dinner and did dishes, in which I broke a ceramic container :(

Earlier today my sister and I uncovered my old journal I wrote in for about two years during classes and such when we lived in Amsterdam. In it is a bunch of stuff about Elijah (my first boyfriend), Donny, Zach, Dan, and random people before I got into blogging online :D It's so funny to read it now because in some aspects I'm exactly the same and in others I'm completely different. Like, back then, every other entry I was like "Oh no, Elijah's going to leave me?! :(" which would then be followed up with a "Yay, we're still together! :D:D:D" entry maybe 30 minutes after. Nowadays, I tell you all about the break up a week later :P I'm still as clingy and whatnot, but back then it was to the extreme! :o Also, I'm going to start saying "Jell-O" and "Cherry lollipops"; don't understand? You'll catch on ;D

Alright...I'm going to go back to check what Tawny said back to me on Facebook :P
until next we meet...
♥*

A Quickie [part 2938298]

I don't even think Dollface reads this anymore, considering the fact that he's always super busy and I hardly update :/ But yeah...anyone else even read this?!

ANYWAYS...
I've begun exercising with the Wii Fit recently and am loving it! Although my abs burn and ache like crazy I know this is just the beginning of great things to come (like actually looking attractive in a swimsuit :o) and a healthier lifestyle.
No dating or boys for me for a while. I'm done with the drama and just want to concentrate on me. Isn't that just wonderful?

My Formspring is lacking questions. You all should change this by asking me something in the text box located to your right :D

until next we meet...
♥*

"I'd scream this song, Right in your face if you were here..." ~ Story of the Year!

I was going through old blog entries and stumbled upon this list that I seemed to have forgotten in my stream of heartbreaks and whatnot:

I FINALLY know exactly what I want in a guy...

• Firstly, he should want to be with me
• Be there to hold me through the nightmare and wipe away the tears that I shed from all the damage I've been put through
• Someone who will sing me to sleep, either on the phone or in person
• Someone who will push me around in the back of a shopping cart
• Someone who fully accepts me; dreams, wishes, scars, everything
• He can't walk away from me when I need him
• Laugh at my humorous things (I can be funny)
• Don't put me down, ever
• Don't lie to me; it disappoints me more than knowing the cold truth
• Spend hours on the phone with me, just because it helps him feel close to me, and I can hear his voice; maybe even fall asleep on the phone with me
• Someone who will make me feel safe...even when I'm not in their arms
• We should have things in common, but I'm very open-minded and willing to try new things
• MUST be open-minded; if he's not, he won't be able to put up with me
• His looks are secondary, but he should be attractive in my eyes
• He should tell me I'm beautiful, because he truly thinks I am
• Finally, I just want a guy who will simply stand still with me...as if we're the only two people left in existence...or so we should feel...

Casey didn't fit this. Andrew didn't fit this. James didn't fit this. Heck, even Spencer didn't fit this. But eventually this is what I want.
So now I must tell myself to stop falling for everyone that bats their eyes at me and calls me pretty. Seriously, I need to find this someday and I won't be able to do that by going weak at the knees for every guy.

Other than that, I'm sick of being screwed over. Like, seriously, one day this guy's telling me he's done with his ex, she's psycho, no more...and then they're back together, happily. I'm done with it. I can't have anymore drama; it's exhausting. Oh yeah...just read a comment he left her on her Facebook. I'm done. They're just one of those couples that will always be a couple regardless of whether they're actually dating or not.

I'll come back later with an update of the past week, maybe.

And with that, I depart.
until next we meet...
♥*