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I feel like I screwed up somehow, and I know I didn't. You can't make someone love you, they have to come to that conclusion on their own. Jon wanted me to love him, and I couldn't. I just couldn't. I do love him, but not as he would like me to love him, and I know that that's not good enough. I'm never good enough. I can never do something good enough for anyone. That's why I had to leave Jon. I just don't love him.
I do love Kyle♥, but he doesn't return the same love, which hurts me sometimes, but in the end, I know he's my best guy friend and he'll be there for me anyway he can be =] I have no clue what my future holds, especially on the Jon front, but I do know this: I want to graduate, move out, go to college, have a successful life. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll find someone to love who loves me back =D

Anyways, no idea what I'm doing for the rest of the day, except maybe watching 18 Again! and talking to people on the phone, but not Kyle♥ because he's going to sleep early like a good boy because he's got school in the morning tomorrow =D I'm so proud of him and I know he's proud of me becoming a Senior as well XDD

I found this song, and I think it describes how Jon is feeling about our situation right now:
HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD LYRICS

My Black Dahlia


[The Server aka Endless Summer 2:]
I loved you, you made me, hate me.
You gave me, hate, see?.
It saved me and these tears are deadly.
You feel that?
I rip back, every time you tried to steal that.
You feel bad? you feel sad?
I'm sorry, hell no fuck that!
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife.
This strife it dies, this life and these lies.
And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you!

[Chorus - Tha Producer aka Da Seducer:]
I've , Lost it all, fell today, It's all the same
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no
I've , been abused, I feel so used, because of you
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no

[J-Dog aka The Flat Iron Chef:]
I wish I could I could have quit you.
I wish I never missed you,
And told you that I loved you, every time I fucked you.
The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through.
Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew!
How could you do this to me?
Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you.
I used to be love struck; now I'm just fucked up.
Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!

[Chorus]

[Bridge - Tha Producer and Shady]
Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest.
And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound.
Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest.
And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down.

[Chorus]



And with that, I'll leave you all for lunch or something....

until next we meet...
♥*

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