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Sunday, October 21, 2018

.::.It takes me all the way; I want you to stay.::.

Well dang, almost a decade later and I'm back in the blog that pretty much started it all! (Okay, that's stretching it, considering I started on LiveJournal as ever good emo kid does, but this blog had the most clout at one point)
WordPress was great, don't get me wrong, but this one always felt like home to me. Also, I'm using the Android app to update so I'm aware the links and such are not working; I will fix them at some point.

Until then, let's get started!

In the past 6-8 years, there have been many boyfriends, apartments, and so much drama I don't even know where to begin. I think we should just stick to the last couple years. It'll just be easier that way.
In 2014, I moved from NY to Tennessee with a guy who basically promised to marry me if I moved south with him. Obviously that didn't pan out because I'm back in NY. Have been since 2015. 2016, I moved back to my hometown of Amsterdam, NY, where I had a really nice apartment with Cindy and her now husband. Everything was great until December 2016 when I met the guy who would change the course of my life for a while. I met him online and he came out to visit me, and at first everything was good (as it always is), but after about a month everything turned south, and while I probably should've run then, me being me, I stuck around for another year. We got an apartment together, and it was a rollercoaster of so much crap. Out of respect for him, I won't get into too much detail but I can reassure everyone that we are both in better places and circumstances than we were even 6 months ago when we parted ways. We're still friends, and while the romantic love is completely gone, we will always still care about one another thanks to everything we went through together.
As I said, 6 months ago, this guy and I split, and I ended up back with my family in Fort Plain. While I was recovering from this trauma (which sounds dramatic but if you're my friend and you know the story, trust me I'm still dealing with the aftermath), an old friend from high school started hanging around with me every day, making sure I was good and not just sitting around crying. He showed me what it means to be cared for and what it's like to actually have someone who wants to be there for you. After a few weeks, he expressed that he had feelings for me, and while I was still coping with the last break-up I couldn't deny I was falling for him too. The night that made me fully realize my feelings for him went as follows: I got out of work 5 hours earlier than expected during an overnight shift and I hoped he was still in town, so I texted him asking if he could give me a ride home, and without hesitation he agreed. We had to drop one of his friends off first, then headed to my house, where we proceeded to talk in his car from 2am until 7am, about anything and everything. I remember telling him over and over that I couldn't fall for him, not yet, but also that I was and I didn't know what to do, and he promised to wait until I was 100% ready to be his. I remember how cute he looked in the glow of the streetlights while telling me stories of parties and stuff he had been through in the past few years; his smile made me melt. As the sun came up, clouds immediately covered it and it started to rain, so I headed inside to maybe get some sleep, but instead we continued texting the rest of the day. This was the day my heart chose him, but my mind was not ready to fully commit. A week or so passes, we're hanging out at his house, having a bonfire with our friends, including Tawny, who I told all my feelings about him to and she encouraged me to take the leap. I did...through a text message while he stood 5 feet away from us. He came over and officially asked me if I'd like to do lunch or a picnic with him, and I agreed. Within another 3-4 days, we were Facebook official (because you know if it's not on Facebook, it's not legit), and it's been a lovely 4 & 1/2 months together so far. We've been on adventures, probably the most exciting was going to Connecticut to see Thirty Seconds To Mars back in June, and have been through some not so exciting things, but whatever we go through we do so together, which is so new for me but I love it, and I love him.
The love I feel for him is different than I've ever felt for another guy before. I feel safe, like I can trust him with my entire life and I'm not just saying it to be cutesy. He's been in love with me since we were 16, so I know he's not going to intentionally hurt me and definitely won't cheat on me. And due to the fact that we were friends first for many many years, there are so secrets or surprises that will arise; we know one another like the back of our hands. Oh, and his daughter loves me too, and I happen to think she's adorable!
This is it, guys. He is my one and only. The Jughead to my Betty. The Roger to my Jessica Rabbit. My endgame, my future husband. No one else could ever capture my heart in the ways he has, and I'm not letting him go for anything.
Some people just say it for the cliche, but I really do get to spend my life with my best friend.

Now on to more personal Kristin things.

Over the past few years, my depression had gotten worse and worse, and with this last relationship it hit its all time low. There were points where I wouldn't even leave the bed for anything, wasn't eating properly, and would have to force myself to work. The apartment was in shambles when we left it; it took Cindy, her husband, his cousin, and me about 3 hours to clean it up so I could officially be done with it, and even then my depression was getting worse. Being with Billy has been fantastic, because he understand what I'm going through better than most and actually cares enough to listen, and that helps so much. I did start going to therapy a couple weeks ago and have discussed antianxiety meds and possibly antidepressants. I just want to get through a day without crying or feeling pathetic, or getting super angry about things I have no control over. I'd love the flashbacks to go away, and to wake up happy and not wanting to give up on myself every day. Depression isn't just "Wahh I'm sad", it's deeper than that, and hopefully my therapist can help me get through my issues, because I know I'm no fun to be with or be around at this point.

I feel like I covered a great deal of my past 6-8 years, and I promise to come back soon!
Hopefully I'll be more consistent here than I was on WordPress 😝

until next we meet...
❤️*

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

WOAH MAN.

The only reason I keep this site around is to follow my friends who still use Blogger, but if you'd like to read about me go to http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com. I tend to update decently and detailed.

http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com

Okay, got it? =D

until next we meet...
♥*

Thursday, August 26, 2010

:o!

I love how I go a couple months without updating here then come back with so many new stories! :D When we last left off I was getting over Casey, still stuck on Lvlien while planning to move closer to him for college, and Dollface & I were inseparable.

And now...the update!

I have the most amazing boyfriend ever! Seriously, this one is going to last. We have so much in common [both personality and interest wise], my family loves him, and I know I love him too! His name is Justin, and without him I'd be so lost. He's really there for me through everything, and I know he loves me for me. We met while I was hanging out at FMCC and he was taken but liked Tawny. Long story short, he dated Tawny for 3 weeks, they broke up, I waited a few, then ATTACKED! Okay, not ATTACKED! but I did ask him out and he said yes :D Friday we will have been together for one amazing month, which y'all know is a big feat for me these days. I'm just so glad he's happy with me and we make each other happy :D
No other guys matter to me anymore, but I might as well fill you in on the Casey and Lvlien fronts. Casey dated The Uggo and abandoned me until they broke up, to which I told him I was happily taken :3 Lvlien became too busy for me and no longer speaks to me. Oh well. Like I said, no one else matters except Justin to me :3

Dollface and I just talked for the first time in nearly two months this morning. We've just both been super busy. He's getting ready to move to college in Massachussetts and still working as well as doing Rubix competitions. I'm so proud of him!

Alright, I'll let you all know a secret:
I've been using Tumblr and Wordpress more so in the past couple months so if you want to keep up follow me on there.
http://kristavolpe.tumblr.com
http://kristavolpe.wordpress.com
And as always I still Twitter: @KristaVolpe.

until next we meet...
♥*

Sunday, May 30, 2010

"'Cause I'm lonely & I'm blue, I need you, & your love too..." ~ Fontella Bass!

Call me a weirdo but I love older music. For real, anything from the 1950s, later 1960s, scattered 1980s, 1990s, and early to mid 2000s (and the occasional new song/artist) make me a happy panda :D Working at Rite Aid I hear a bunch of songs I've come to fall in love with...like "Rescue Me".

Alright, here it goes. I'm sorry, readers; I've lied to you on several occasions. I said "Casey and I are done, I'm done, No going back" but he started texting me again, saying he loved me and that he's always loved me, he wants to marry me, blah blah blah, so what do I do? Granted, I know dang well he's a lost cause, I still take him back and wanted to help him. Today he stops talking to me, deleted me from Facebook, and refused to answer his phone. This time, I'm SERIOUS! I'm done. I can't take this anymore. He's got multiple personalities or Bi-polar or something seriously mentally wrong with him that I'm not able to help solve (yet; Psychology is what I'm going to college for).
All I'll say to you is you've lost all your chances. It's been a nice 7 months of being your on-again/off-again girlfriend when the Uggo doesn't want you or when you're aroused, but I cannot emotionally handle this anymore. My friends hate you. My family definitely doesn't approve of you. I need someone better, someone more mature, and someone who actually wants to be with me for the long haul. So goodbye, Casey William La Foe; it was fun while it lasted. Maybe, in time, our paths will cross again and we can at least be friends, but for now you're gone.

AND NOW FOR MY NEXT TRICK...
MVCC accepted me, which means I'll be moving out near Lvlien in September. This could be good or bad. Good, because we'll be getting to know each other more. Bad, because he called me "obsessive" and a "stalker" the other night :( Can't say that's the first time I've been called that but it hurts. I think he's over that though since he told me yesterday that he wants us to be friends right now, which I'm trying to be. It's hard when you live 2 hours apart *sigh*
Kinda like Dollface and I. I wish we could hang out more, but he's just over an hour away from me, doesn't have unlimited gas money, and I don't drive yet. Somehow, though, we make our friendship work :)

Speaking of Dollface, he was just in a Rubix competition yesterday and I believe he placed fourth :D Congratulations, I'm proud of you! ♥ Next he goes to Nationals!

OHOH! Last night, I hung out with Tawny, Anthony, my friend Josh from Georgia, and my ex Billy. Just hanging out with Anthony reminded me of old times...but not really :( I don't know, it just felt different to me, like he was distant. I guess that's what happens when you don't hang with someone for 3-5 months. We need to hang out one-on-one and rekindle the friendship, I think :3

Okay, now I'm going to lay down and maybe call Trevor or someone I haven't called in forever.
until next we meet...
♥*

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

"Who would win in a fight - a big, strong guy or an invisible fat guy? " ~ Dr. Burton [Ed]

By request of Dollface I've returned here :P I've been updating my LiveJournal more often nowadays because I can do so right from my phone [ahem, Creators of Blogger, take notes! ;D].

WELLLLLLL...
Casey and I are officially not speaking and are over FOR GOOD! Seriously, I can't take his drama anymore, and he seems to have found a new girl to use anyways. Good for him, have a nice life. Lvlien are still talking on occasion; sometimes I feel like he's more interested than others but it's also because we haven't seen each other in person in a month almost. Once I go to college out there it'll all be okay :)
And yes, I do plan on going to college in the Utica/Rome area. Mohawk Valley Community College. If all goes well, I'll transfer to a Rite Aid out there and everything will be all hunky-dunky :P
Also, recently I've gotten back in touch with an old friend from 2008, Chris. He used to live in Florida but now he's in Virginia. We talked for a good 2 hours almost last night and I'm hoping he calls me again tonight :) For real, he makes me smile.

Dollface and I have gotten so much closer over the past couple weeks, and I love it! Here's what I wrote about him in my LiveJournal:

What I'd really like to tell you about is my favorite person in the entire world. All my life I've wanted one friend who I felt completely understood me without getting annoyed. Cindy came close but even I knew she got annoyed with me sometimes, and now we're both just super busy and never see each other. Cora was also on this list, but we never get to see each other and are so different with a lot of subjects best friends should agree on. No, my closest friend is a guy named Alex or, as I like to call him, Dollface. The story? Simple. He and I met through http://okcupid.com back in March when Casey & I weren't talking. At first I was super in like with Alex; serious that kid became my everything for about a week. Then one Friday night I was really stressed out so I told him about it and he came to Fort Plain! Meeting him was so much fun! I wouldn't have the events of that night any other way; the waiting at Rite Aid all day just for him to show up, the walk on the dark path to find Sherry, the cops yelling at us for parking in a closed park, the hour long drive just for McDonald's at 11pm to midnight, not sleeping, and the hug he gave me at the door of my job the next morning. Best night I had in a while. Nowadays he and I talk about everything and anything. Without him I'd be super lost and my life would suck. He knows more about me than anyone else ever will. He is my rock, my go-to guy, and I love him. Best friend ever

OHOHOHOH!! I cannot believe I left this out!
A few years back, there was this show on NBC called Ed that I fell completely in love with. Well, like all the shows I get into, it only lasted 4 seasons then disappeared :/ The other day I did a random search and found the COMPLETE SERIES to download. I'm now in the process of putting them all on DVD and watching them. I feel like I'm back in middle school again. It's so great! If you've never heard of Ed, I forgive you; not many have. Just Google it.

And with that, my friends, I depart to load the dishwasher and lay down because I started to feel dizzy :(
until next we meet...
♥*

Thursday, April 29, 2010

"No, she's dead. This is her son." ~ Kurt from GLEE!

And it's back to me being on my own again. Casey ran away, it seems. My text messages and phone calls go unnoticed, which is just proof that he and I aren't meant to be. Honestly, I could've told you all that much sooner but whatever. Lvlien and I are still talking so I'm remaining hopeful and trying to not get super attached yet, which we all know is difficult for me :/

I think this is just proof I need to concentrate on me, myself, and I for a while. I can like the guys, and heck I can even love them, but maybe a relationship isn't perfect for me right now. And my standards are going to go way up. I want someone like me; someone who wants love and all that, someone who can be random and giggle at stupid, corny things, someone who likes to cuddle more than have sex. Honestly, that sounds like Dollface but he and I are just friends, and we're happy that way.
I want someone who can sit on the phone with me for hours and not get bored. Someone who will watch my favorite movies and television shows with me, even though I've seen everything a million times before, just so they can understand me more. Someone who will go to concerts with me and protect me against the mosh pits. Someone nice, cuddly, and dependable (no, dude from He's Just Not That Into You, that doesn't mean I won't sleep with you eventually!). Someone who will help me support my ice cream and energy drink habits, and enjoy them! Seriously, like I said, I want the male version of myself. He's out there...hiding.

Also, Kyle has deleted his Facebook because I won't date him, or so it seems. Seriously, that was so high school and I'm sorry but I had to move on. Can't stay pining over one guy forever unless he's going to sweep you off your feet right then and there, eh? :)

Alright, I'm done ranting. Time to get the kitty ready for the vet. My Dewey decided to fight with neighborhood cats and get injured *sigh*
until next we meet...
♥*

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Random venting session at 12:30am

The old adage says "Old habits die hard". Well, in my life, it seems to be "Exboyfriends don't know when enough is enough". For instance, just when I start to get over one of them, 3 of them come out of the woodwork and begin attempting to woo me back. Seriously, some of them I've dated 2, 3, even 4 times; it's just a hopeless cause if we got back together. I can honestly tell you how it would end and when, and that's pretty bad.
For right now I'm living the "Whatever happens, happens" lifestyle, and I'm loving it. I get to be me and not have to answer to anyone over anything. Yes, I still look to Dollface, Cora, and now Lvlien for advice, but that's a given. I don't have all the answers to everything, and sometimes they seem to :)

"I've got no strife; I'm loving life. Could you say the same?" ~ Smash Mouth :)
until next we meet...
♥*

"It's 3 AM, She won't put out, Let's go make-out with her friends, Make-out with her friends..." ~ Mindless Self Indulgence!

Since yesterday I've had a new-found love of the band Mindless Self Indulgence. I've always liked them but now I know they're happy and bouncy...even if the lyrics aren't. This song just happens to be my main ringtone for the day :D

Since my last post...
I went to see The Used at Northern Lights last Wednesday and it was amazing! Getting hit in the head with a shoe was totally worth meeting them afterwards :D
Yesterday, I met my friend from online in person, Lvlien. Seriously, he's a really great guy and I like him lots :D And to think he seems super shady but that's just because you have to meet him in person to understand. He came and picked me up, took me to his apartment, hung out with me for almost 10 hours, then brought me home. Most fun I've had in forever, and his friend's pretty cool too :) I can't wait to hang out with him again! <3

Casey has decided to come back into my life (surprise, surprise). Seriously, though, I'm confused about him; one minute he's all fine and dandy, and the next he seems confused too. Lvlien thinks he could be a bit bipolar. *sigh* Also, Kyle has decided he's in love with me too. I'm thinking this is a bit ridiculous. I know what I like and what I want out of life. I just need a guy who can accept that and still want me.

Okay, I'm freezing. It's starting to feel like winter again here :( Please, for the love of God, don't let it snow anymore! :'(
until next we meet...
♥*

Monday, April 19, 2010

"And that's why Your eyes (I'm over it) Your smile (I'm over it) Realized (I'm over it, Over it, Over it)..." ~ Katharine McPhee!

Normally I wouldn't listen to or quote this kind of music, but for real it's so fitting for me right now.
Casey decided to come back into my life and say he still loves me and wants to give me another chance (big shocker there) so like a puppy I went back to him with the thought every girl has in this situation: "Maybe it'll be different and better this time". Different, yes; there seems to be another girl who gives him affections over Facebook, and in all honesty, I'm done. Seriously, I need someone who actually wants to be with me for good and isn't going to leave me every other week only to come back and do this whole thing all over again. It's ridiculous. And I'm sick of it. I do love him, don't get me wrong; he's one of the only guys I could really say "I love you" to and not regret it, but he doesn't seem to really love me. Like Dollface and I decided, maybe there's more than just me and the other girl he's "mackin'" on. For real, though, I need a decent guy. I'm done with these boys who only want one thing and/or who can't make up their minds.
This is why I'm in a relationship with myself on Facebook :) Only I can love me like I want to be loved, in every way, shape, and form. And that is that!

*sigh* So much angst and drama.

until next we meet...
♥*

Thursday, April 15, 2010

"Does he let you tell him all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times?..." ~ A Rocket to the Moon!

I'm up at FMCC for the day, while Tawny is in and out of class. I also have a slight cold and sound like a pubescent little boy due to lack of voice but I'm going to make the best of my day :) That's all we can do, right?

Yesterday I rewatched GLEE season one to gear up for season two, which I saw the first episode of as well :P I'm going to make copies of that season too when all the episodes are out. And I'm seriously considering auditioning; like Dollface and I said, the worst they can say is "You suck." Once I don't sound like a pubescent boy I'll post a video for it :) *crosses fingers*
I've also been talking to one of my exes, Dan, and things seem to be looking up, although we do have a lot to catch up on. He and I haven't spoken in almost 3 years I believe...yes, A LOT has changed.

Alright...I spot an Andrew-Kitty :D
until next we meet...
♥*