& you're in my head...♥

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I'm getting a new blog. This always happens; can't keep a blog for a year without having to change the address. Whatever, though. If you're interested in the new link, comment and I'll send it to you =] If not, have fun reading about my 2007 XD I'm not deleting anything, because if there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's you cannot change the past, no matter how bad it may seem. So... until next we meet... ♥*

Well, it's Christmas again. I should be happy; I have a loving boyfriend, friends who think the world of me, and a family who adores me most of the time. But it always depresses me at this time of year. I guess it's because when I was younger, Christmas was a joyous time for me. We'd go to my great-grandmother's family party and it was amazing to see everyone that you only get to see once a year or so; sometimes they came over on Easter, but that was about it. We'd all exchange gifts and talk about the past year and be happy. My great-grandmother passed away when I was in 5th grade, suddenly as a matter of fact; no one expected her to, although she was 73 I believe. And even before that, my grandmother my mother and I lived with killed herself on Mother's Day when I was 7. Since then, my life hasn't been the same. Is it bad that I can still hear her talking to me, calling me "Dolly" like she used to? You better believe I was a devastated li

It's 9:40pm here in New York, and I'm all alone. Sad, isn't it? Actually, I'm not alone; I have many teddy bears around me, so I guess it's better than being all alone in an empty room. Oh, and I have my phone next to me just in case it decides to ring, which isn't likely since everyone else I know has lives and is busy or sick. Yep, life is great right now *rolls eyes* Yesterday was completely the day from Hell for me, hands down. Right from the get-go it was horrible and it only snowballed from there. It's like I don't even want to talk about it; that's how much it sucked. The only thing that went alright was Taryn's birthday party, but even then I was lonely and depressed because Richard♥ was supposed to come with me and he got really sick so I was alone. Well, not alone; Liz hung with me all night and left when I did, so it's all good. I got some pictures from there too of course: ^ She has to instruct him to look at the camera =P

Right now, I should be in school, but I came home early for two reasons. One, I feel like crap. Two, it's "Elf Day" and I personally cannot stand it because to me it's just like human trafficking. You bet on your fellow students in hopes of getting them as your slave--excuse me, your "elf" for the day. I've been told they used to call it "Slave Day" but that's not politically acceptable anymore, so why are we even going through with this charade? Whatever, not like I have a say in any of this... This morning sucked major balls for me. I fell asleep in my bed upstairs last night, and woke myself up to go into my sister's bed because it's freezing in my attic room. As I was going down my stairs, I stepped on a nail and hurt my foot. Fan-freakin'-tastic. So I was awake until maybe 1:30am or so because it was painful. Then I get up at my usual time of 6:30am, and my head was completely congested and my nose was running; I c

I'm so sick of everyone treating me like I'm an idiot. Even my sister says I'm stupid, and she's nine. I'm sorry that it takes me a few minutes to process something that usually takes someone seconds to grasp a concept of. I don't mean to be slower than most people, I just am, and it makes me sad because then, in turn, I feel like I'm stupid. It's like tonight at dinner. My father asked me what I was going to college for and I said photography, and he's like "Digital, I'm assuming?". Honestly, I was telling the truth when I said it didn't say digital or otherwise, and he got annoyed with me, and started saying something to the extent of "Well, let's say you worked for a phone company; you wouldn't just say 'I work for the phone company', you'd say 'I work for Such-and-Such phone company'. Photography is a broad subject...blah blah blah". I'm sick of being treated like this! The only

For the record, I feel really insecure tonight, and I don't know why. It's bugging me a lot, because I honestly have nothing to be insecure about; I have a boyfriend who loves me with everything in him, friends that care a lot about me...no reason to feel this way, and yet I do. I hate it. But whatever. This is an update, because for some reason, Richard♥ finds my life interesting. I hate to tell him but I only make it seem interesting in here; creative license, ya know how we do, foo' ;D I'm totally kidding...but I don't find my life that interesting. I mean, it has been since he came into my story, but yes. I just don't see what the intrigue is; then again, do any of us find our lives interesting. I mean, really, who sits there saying, "Wow, my life should be a television series, or a motion picture?". Maybe egotistical maniacs, but no one I know. Except maybe Adam, but that's just because I can so hear him saying that his life would ma

I am 100% flat-out insanely in love with Richard♥. It's undeniable that he completes me totally, and that he has my heart =] One day we will be married and have our own family, and live happily ever after XD Yesterday was Richard♥'s 18th birthday and I went to his party. Actually, I spent over 11 hours with him, and we're not sick of each other at all. Actually, we wanted to be together longer, which surprises me because usually people get bored of me rather quickly. And I know it's only been a couple weeks for us now, but it feels like we've been together forever, which is why I cannot wait to spend forever with him =] Oh, I did get a couple pictures; not too many because (a) I was nervous and shaky and (b) I just forgot my camera on his dresser =P: Our cuteness is undeniable; we compliment each other so well =] The Lollipop Theory; I've licked him, therefore, he is mine ;D So, on with his party... His friends are amazing. I actually finally think I fit i

Just so we all know, this is Post #69 in here XD I just thought that was insanely amusing! The past couple days have definitely been....well....days, to say the least. One minute, I'm all high on life and everything's going great; the next, I feel like I'm microscopic and that I mean nothing to nobody. I hate that. It's slightly manic, honestly. But whatever, right? Such is the life of an 18-year-old girl. Today was alright for me personally, but academically I sucked. I had to give a ten minute speech in my Public Speaking class and I totally forgot my notes, so I printed out all the information that I gathered off of Wikipedia and read it directly off the sheets, which is the first thing they teach you NOT to do. Then in Psychology we had a quiz that I didn't know we were having so, of course, I didn't study and I knew nothing about the theories of motivation and whatnot. It just sucked pretty badly for me in that aspect. During 8th period, I continued

You know, life's funny. One minute, you're ecstatic and happily in love, and the next your ex is texting you, making you feel like crap because you're ecstatic and in love. At least, that's what going on tonight between Kyle and I. I understand my relationship with Richard♥ started quite suddenly for him, but there's no reason to start with the "woe is me; I'm never going to find anyone" crap. With me, of all people! I mean, I tried to make everything work for he and I for almost 3 years, and when I finally realized that it was going to amount to nothing I moved on. Forgive me for wanting to get on with my life, you know? Seriously, now he only wants to be with me because he can't have me, and, I'm most definitely NOT even THINKING about doing this but, if I were to leave Richard♥ and try to pursue a relationship with him again he'd say no, so there's no point in any of this, except to try and break me down. It's working to

Richard♥ came home last night, and we talked for almost a total of 5 hours; think we missed each other? I mean, I know he called me each night when he was in Rochester [for a chorus trip, not band; I got confused] but it was nice to have him back home and completely un-bloody-hinged with me again =D And plus, when he's home, I feel like I can completely be myself and not have to hold anything back XD So, yes, he's home in Amsterdam again =] We had a 2-hour delay this morning because it was pretty bad outside. I personally think we shouldn't have had school because no one showed up anyways, but who am I to say anything like that? In English, Jadrian was looking for someone with a camera to record the quarter project that we have that's due on January 9, so of course I offered mine, which in turn makes me a part of his group, which consists of him, the foreign exchange student, and my ex. I have no issues with Jadrian or Son; it's Billy that seems to have an iss