As I looked through some of my Facebook friends' photos, I realized something that I should've picked up on years and years ago: I've never really fit in. Okay, sure, I have Anthony, Cora, Tawny, and many other friends, but they didn't come into my life until after I met the ones from elementary school. Those ones were the first friends you were supposed to have in life, and apparently I just wasn't up to their standards. I did have one friend from Kindergarten; she and I were inseparable...until I moved away for a few months, she got into sports, and when I returned she ignored me like I never existed. Now she's happily married in another state; how did I find that out? Facebook and MySpace. I just think it's sad that I find out most of my information about people from the internet when others are getting a first-hand account.
The one friend that got me thinking about this was a guy I've also known since Kindergarten. He and I were never close, close friends but we've talked on several occasions. I recently ran into him at his place of employment, where he told me he was going away to college in 2 weeks. Once I left, I searched him on Facebook; lo and behold, he had one, with several hundred friends. He added me, and I just finally sat down and checked out his pictures tonight. This guy somehow managed to maintain friendship with a lot of the old friends, and seeing these pictures made me feel a little left out to be honest. I always wanted people to remember me...
But now I'm fine. Done some thinking, and I know that the ones who stick around through the battles are the ones I want by my side forever <3 Without you guys, I'd be super lost.
And that's my rant for the night.
On a happier note, I've been talking to Kory all day and almost all night, and things seem to be progressing nicely =) If he and I do end up becoming a couple, a lotttt of people will either be surprised or happy for us; after all, I have been in like with him since 8th grade :P Only time will tell here <33
until next we meet...
♥*
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
XD XD XD XD
Ahh, to be happy! You know, I used to think happiness was overrated and only for set people, but really anyone can be happy, even me the emo kid XD Honestly, it just took a few bad events and turns in my life to make me realize this.
One friend that was mad at me is no longer mad at me; they're talking to me and everything again. The other, however, says they will remain upset with me, but in time I know I'll be forgiven...at least a little. Nothing will ever be as it was though, this I know for a fact. But maybe this is a good thing. Everything happens for a reason, eh? Then the other other friend is the most confusing person I've ever met but in time we will speak again.
Work is good, keeps my mind occupied and all.
Ohhh, boys! There are two I'm in between at the moment; and by in between I mean I like them both. One is named Dave; he's James' best friend and he's adorable, funny, charming, sweet, and did I mention adorable?! He plays video games, is smart, and all that good stuff...but isn't interested in me. And if he is, James would NEVER let him have me :/ The other is Kory. Kory, I've liked since 8th grade when he rejected me over and over again. Right now, he and I are catching up over AIM and it seems to be going smoothly :D Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Wow, I just babbled for four paragraphs there haha!
until next we meet...
♥*
One friend that was mad at me is no longer mad at me; they're talking to me and everything again. The other, however, says they will remain upset with me, but in time I know I'll be forgiven...at least a little. Nothing will ever be as it was though, this I know for a fact. But maybe this is a good thing. Everything happens for a reason, eh? Then the other other friend is the most confusing person I've ever met but in time we will speak again.
Work is good, keeps my mind occupied and all.
Ohhh, boys! There are two I'm in between at the moment; and by in between I mean I like them both. One is named Dave; he's James' best friend and he's adorable, funny, charming, sweet, and did I mention adorable?! He plays video games, is smart, and all that good stuff...but isn't interested in me. And if he is, James would NEVER let him have me :/ The other is Kory. Kory, I've liked since 8th grade when he rejected me over and over again. Right now, he and I are catching up over AIM and it seems to be going smoothly :D Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Wow, I just babbled for four paragraphs there haha!
until next we meet...
♥*
Monday, September 7, 2009
"Lose one friend, Lose all friends, Lose yourself" ~ Shaun Hunter :: Boy Meets World
My subject sort of fits what my entry will be about. It's a little about friendships, a little about myself, and a little about love/caring/honesty.
Sunday September 6, 2009, was the epitome of bad day for me (next to getting dumped then having to drop out of high school, I mean; nothing could top that). I lost two friends who I thought would always be there for me in less than 10 minutes it seems, then I lost another later that day. Details are sketchy (as always) but this just made me realize something that I have always been too blind to see my whole life: I SHOULD NOT BE AS TRUSTING AS I AM. The two friends I lost together were the closest to me, the ones I went to when something bad would happen and they'd try to cheer me up or the ones who would wreak havoc late at night with me when we were all bored and didn't want to sleep yet. The other one might come back to me later in life, and I hope they do because I truly do think they're an amazing person. They get me better than almost anyone else I've known; no one else except Kyle and this person have seen the real me under the facade I put on to upkeep my other "friends".
But then...something clicked with me. Just as I'm about to say "I just lost all my friends", it hit me: I have many more friends than I've realized and a family who cares about me more than anyone else ever will :) That one realization kept me from becoming manic depressive and doing something stupid.
So this is the new me, saying goodbye to the people who have used me and the people who have hurt me and saying hello to the ones who never would...at least intentionally.
I'm back living with my family, and I actually could not be happier. I never thought I'd ever miss them as much as I did but I'm glad they've accepted me back even though there really isn't any room for me :X They love me, and I love them. Things are going to be better for me now, I just know it.
To the ones I now know truly care and want me around: Thank you so very much! Without you guys, I'd be nothing XD We have many, many more fun times ahead of us, trust me!
Oh...and 10 days until I'm 20! I'm excited even though 20 isn't all that important of a birthday :P
until next we meet...
♥*
Sunday September 6, 2009, was the epitome of bad day for me (next to getting dumped then having to drop out of high school, I mean; nothing could top that). I lost two friends who I thought would always be there for me in less than 10 minutes it seems, then I lost another later that day. Details are sketchy (as always) but this just made me realize something that I have always been too blind to see my whole life: I SHOULD NOT BE AS TRUSTING AS I AM. The two friends I lost together were the closest to me, the ones I went to when something bad would happen and they'd try to cheer me up or the ones who would wreak havoc late at night with me when we were all bored and didn't want to sleep yet. The other one might come back to me later in life, and I hope they do because I truly do think they're an amazing person. They get me better than almost anyone else I've known; no one else except Kyle and this person have seen the real me under the facade I put on to upkeep my other "friends".
But then...something clicked with me. Just as I'm about to say "I just lost all my friends", it hit me: I have many more friends than I've realized and a family who cares about me more than anyone else ever will :) That one realization kept me from becoming manic depressive and doing something stupid.
So this is the new me, saying goodbye to the people who have used me and the people who have hurt me and saying hello to the ones who never would...at least intentionally.
I'm back living with my family, and I actually could not be happier. I never thought I'd ever miss them as much as I did but I'm glad they've accepted me back even though there really isn't any room for me :X They love me, and I love them. Things are going to be better for me now, I just know it.
To the ones I now know truly care and want me around: Thank you so very much! Without you guys, I'd be nothing XD We have many, many more fun times ahead of us, trust me!
Oh...and 10 days until I'm 20! I'm excited even though 20 isn't all that important of a birthday :P
until next we meet...
♥*
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Leaning out into the breeze, Remembering Sunday he falls to his knees, They had breakfast together but 2 eggs don't last...
Mmmm, my favorite song next to "Konstantine" - Something Corporate; "Remembering Sunday" - All Time Low. I know, I know; "you've liked this song for many years now, aren't you sick of it?". My answer is no, I could never be sick of it. It has so much meaning for my life and myself that really it's something of my theme song. I made it into mine and James' song when we were together and the other night I was listening to it; in the middle of the first chorus, he called me. Fate knows how much this song means to me, I guess.
ANYWAYS...this past week was filled with WIN and FAIL. WIN because there were parts where I had a ton of fun; hung around with Amy, went out with Tawny & Cora, went around with Amy, Anthony, & Amber, and even hung out with Amy & Rocky and had fun. FAIL because I'm still single, and fate is being her normal elegant, cold-hearted whore self. Cora and I met a boy named Will. Will shouted his cell number to both of us and we all commenced to texting. Cora decided to take things slower than I did and not jump right into a whole "I like you and want to date you" spiel. I, however, FAIL epically and the guy won't even talk to me anymore. Like, okay, he will but I don't think we're going to hang out. *sigh* I struck again.
Also, if you get the chance to go see The Final Destination, DON'T. It sucked major ice. Seriously, there's no plot except they all die, and even the deaths aren't that creative or logical. Oh, and blood isn't as bright red as they were making it to be. That's just my opinion; take it or leave it.
Oh, what does the next week hold in store for me? Everyone I'd hang out with is going back to school, and I have work. BUT I have Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off :D A Mini-vacation! yay!
Blah, I can't think of more to write; just wanted to update y'all!
♥*
ANYWAYS...this past week was filled with WIN and FAIL. WIN because there were parts where I had a ton of fun; hung around with Amy, went out with Tawny & Cora, went around with Amy, Anthony, & Amber, and even hung out with Amy & Rocky and had fun. FAIL because I'm still single, and fate is being her normal elegant, cold-hearted whore self. Cora and I met a boy named Will. Will shouted his cell number to both of us and we all commenced to texting. Cora decided to take things slower than I did and not jump right into a whole "I like you and want to date you" spiel. I, however, FAIL epically and the guy won't even talk to me anymore. Like, okay, he will but I don't think we're going to hang out. *sigh* I struck again.
Also, if you get the chance to go see The Final Destination, DON'T. It sucked major ice. Seriously, there's no plot except they all die, and even the deaths aren't that creative or logical. Oh, and blood isn't as bright red as they were making it to be. That's just my opinion; take it or leave it.
Oh, what does the next week hold in store for me? Everyone I'd hang out with is going back to school, and I have work. BUT I have Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday off :D A Mini-vacation! yay!
Blah, I can't think of more to write; just wanted to update y'all!
♥*
Monday, August 24, 2009
I will never end up like him; behind my back I already am
*sigh* FINALLY a couple days off of work! I've been working almost nonstop for the past week and I neeeeeeeed a day or so to relax and sleep and breathe! haha!
So Donny has a girlfriend (of course) and expected me to be the other woman. Um...NO! Sorry, I want a relationship; not a hook-up. James and I talk a bit more now, but still nothing like we used to, and like last night when I tried to explain things to him he said he had to go and hung up. It's like he doesn't want to listen to me. Whatever.
Blah, so happy to be out of work that I don't know what to write XD
♥*
So Donny has a girlfriend (of course) and expected me to be the other woman. Um...NO! Sorry, I want a relationship; not a hook-up. James and I talk a bit more now, but still nothing like we used to, and like last night when I tried to explain things to him he said he had to go and hung up. It's like he doesn't want to listen to me. Whatever.
Blah, so happy to be out of work that I don't know what to write XD
♥*
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