& you're in my head...♥

It's such a cute song I'm listening to, "Dear Jamie...Sincerely Me" by hellogoodbye. It's about a guy who writes a letter to this girl he likes. Anyways, I'm sorry that the last post was me blowing up. Everything's alright now; trust me, I'm a lot better =] I've talked to the people that I was mad at and we're all cool now =D If you really want to know what was going on, let's just say I was having a rough week and a lot was getting to me and I was taking it all personally. But by talking to everyone that made me feel like that [and Kyle♥, of course], I'm over it and back to normal [understatement of the year there =P]. Other than that, I hung out with Clayton yesterday; the second time in almost two weeks =D He's so much fun! I really hope we get to hang out more often =] ^_^ Aren't we adorable? =] That's my beautiful teh hottie ^ That's my naked stick Clayton stripped [is it bad that I still have it with me in ...

So I just read someone who will remain nameless's blog entry for the second time and realized that the only person who honestly trusts me at the moment is Kyle♥, and even then he's afraid to tell me certain things because I'll get upset. What you all have to realize is getting angry, upset, happy, depressed...they're all a part of life. I deal with it how I deal with it, may it be listening to music that fits the mood or crying or watching some of my favorite shows. I'll admit that there are nights when I want to just go off and end my life, but I also know that everyone feels that way sometimes. So if you're one of the people I talk to and we're friends, please don't hold things back from me. Please. It makes me feel like I'm not trusted and that hurts so much worse than actually being pushed away. Yes, I would rather just be told to go away than not know what's going on in their life. I'm not saying I'm nosy, I just like knowing...

Today has had its ups and downs to say the least. Let's talk about ups first, shall we? [Even though I'm more of a downs person myself] I gave a speech on Keanu Reeves in Public Speaking today and I used a slideshow I made as my visual aide. Everyone loved it =] And they all love the fact that I can make slideshows on my laptop =D I'm just a cool kid, I guess. Then I discovered that my digital camera's video recorder records sound! I'm like ecstatic =D I was making videos all night. I then went to Joanna and Melissa's house and Melissa helped me with my English essay, which is all about Kyle♥ [gee, think I miss him much?]. And now for the downs [my favorite *rolls eyes*]. I was up until 2:30am talking to Donny, who I think I'm falling for again [sounds like the Three Days Grace song "Over and Over"]. I know nothing's going to happen though, because I know he doesn't want me like that [no one does anymore]. Then, I came home from ...

Oh, how much I love Evans Blue. I downloaded their entire new album [The Pursuit Begins When This Portrait Of Life Ends] and I'm just madly in love with it♥ =] "In a Red Dress And Alone" has to be my favorite track from it =D Anyways, we last left off with me wanting to take Jon back possibly. Well, he got a new girlfriend, only a day after telling me he loves me and would wait for me. I was horribly upset last night, which is why I didn't blog or anything, but I'm alright. I realize that he's happier with her and I need to accept it and be happy for him. Anyways, I know we'll still be friends, and that alone makes me happy =] So this means I'm single, which brings me to my next topic. In English today, we talked about what we find attractive in a guy. This would've been fine if had had some input, but no. The other girls completely took over and vetoed everything I said and that just shows how closed minded they all are. I'm sorry I ...

Wow, talk about lack of updating....I'm sorry, I've been incredibly busy and when I wasn't busy I just didn't feel like blogging; sad, right? Anyways, I'll just give you the main highlights of the past week or so. Cindy came over and we talked to Kory until almost 5am, in which they became pretty good friends. They still talk a lot, and maybe just maybe something will come out of this. Jon and I tried dating again. It was good until he started to break down and I had no idea how to help him. It wasn't like a Kyle♥ break down [those I can handle]. So right now, we're just friends. Maybe in the distant future after I get out of school and such we'll try again, but I don't know. I got the job at Price Chopper, finally. Went for Orientation last Wednesday and I start sometime this week, which means less updates from me, but at least now I can go on my Senior trip. I can't freakin' waitttt! It's going to rock! =D I had my 18th birthday...

My day was first up then slowly got down. I actually got my bus this morning, which was nice and I listened to my MP3 all the way to school. When we got to the school, I was blasting "Beg" by Evans Blue and thinking, "Gosh, this song is speaking to me somehow...gee..." but then I got breakfast and headed upstairs where I talked to Allyson about how I wanted Jon back and how jealous I was the Kyle♥ already found a Japanese girl to talk to. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy he's making friends, but I also know how much he likes Japanese women. I'm just jealous, that's all. Anyways, classes were a bit better today, except Chorus, because the teacher treats us like we're Kindergardeners. Then after class, all of us who were a part of Harmony and Choralaires came up and started discussing how we wanted them back, until this stuck-up girl decided that Choralaires wouldn't work, and the teacher of course agreed with her over Syri and I,...

First day back at school, and I already hate it. Ok, so hate is a strong word. But I really don't like it, except for Psychology. That class is amazing! =] Other than that, I've got Gym everyday and alot of Study Halls, so basically I've got an easy day, if I can keep up with all the work and crap. *sigh* And if one more teacher asks me about Kyle♥, I'm going to flip! I mean, yeah, I love the guy but to hear something about him in all my classes makes me realize how smart he is and, in turn, how stupid I am. But this is my year to show them all that I can be something better than I was in the past. Why do I say this? For the most part, it's because I've got Kyle♥ on my case this year and he won't let me fail. That's just another reason I love him so much =] In English, we got this packet about writing our College Admissions Essay, and in it, it listed blogger.com as a good site for blogging. I felt so cool, since that's what I'm using r...

SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!! And of course, I'm all ready the night before.... I'm here to be the dork and show you the back-to-school prep I've done =P ^_^ My hair; emo-style XDD Or for those of us who are into hair, it's the side-parted style. Doesn't take too much effort, but looks amazing =] ^_^ My outfit, which consists of khakis, T-shirt that says "I Love A Guy In Uniform" with Spiderman on it, and my notorious black hooded sweater =] So with all this, I think I'm ready...for tomorrow, at least =D S E N I O R C L A S S O F 2 0 0 8 , here we come ! XDD STOLE THIS FROM MY ONE FRIEND'S LIVEJOURNAL: - Pick your birth month. - Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you. [I'm making these italics because I can't strike out here] - Bold the ones that best apply to you. - Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a lj-cut [for those of us who use LJ still]. SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and org...

So I decided to change my layout here again, because the other one was a bit too complicated, although it didn't look like it. This one I uses the new version of Blogger templates so I'm better with it. School starts tomorrow, and I'm scared. It's so overwhelming this year, being a Senior and having all the little kids look up to me (and I can call them "kids"; I'll be 18 in two weeks). And for once, I have no one in the immediate area I could look up to and run to when I get hurt. Everything is on me. Wow...scary thought, huh? I'm in control now and I'm terrified. Other than that, I told Bling to look for Kyle♥ because I worry about him too, especially since I'm not there to keep an eye on him anymore =[ I miss that man so much, it's not funny. But I get to see him on September 15 for my birthday party so I cannot wait =D Other than all this confusion and stress, I met a pretty cool girl today. Her name's Jeannie and she also ...

First of all, do we all like the layout? I found it on http://createblog.com and I'm very happy with it =] Anyways, as I said, I didn't do too much today, just basically cleaned my room: I figured I'd take pictures because we never know when it'll be this clean again ;] It took me almost three hours to do it, so I'm kinda proud of myself =] Then, this really cute guy who they call Bling sent me a comment on MySpace so we talked back and forth for a while tonight, except his AOL kept signing him off, which sucked. But I think we're going to talk again tomorrow. He starts college at the same place Kyle♥'s going so maybe they'll see each other =] Ooooh, two hot guys in one room ;] *giggles* Anyways, no idea what I'm doing for my last day of summer vacation tomorrow. Wednesday is my first official day as a Fort Plain High School Senior =D I'm super excited! And here's some random thoughts about my attic room from my friend Kory and I: NeoF...

I feel like I screwed up somehow, and I know I didn't. You can't make someone love you, they have to come to that conclusion on their own. Jon wanted me to love him, and I couldn't. I just couldn't. I do love him, but not as he would like me to love him, and I know that that's not good enough. I'm never good enough. I can never do something good enough for anyone. That's why I had to leave Jon. I just don't love him. I do love Kyle♥, but he doesn't return the same love, which hurts me sometimes, but in the end, I know he's my best guy friend and he'll be there for me anyway he can be =] I have no clue what my future holds, especially on the Jon front, but I do know this: I want to graduate, move out, go to college, have a successful life. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll find someone to love who loves me back =D Anyways, no idea what I'm doing for the rest of the day, except maybe watching 18 Again! and talking to people on the...

So I decided today that Jon and I shouldn't be together. Alot of it was because I'm not attracted to him at all, but most of it was because during church today I was praying about what I should do with this situation I'm in and God told me to get rid of Jon, that he was bringing me down and everything because he's not Christian. Yes, I am a Christian, and if you have a problem with it, I'm sorry but you shouldn't be reading my blog. I gave my life to the Lord when I was 8 years old and completely confirmed it in February when I went to a Youth Challenge at Pine Crest Bible Training Center. That was one of the greatest weekends of my entire life, and I cannot wait to hopefully go back next winter again =] Anyways, I did it. Jon and I are over. He still loves me and cares about me...probably just a little too much, because what happened was Kyle♥ called me while I was talking to him and we made it like he was here with me, typing on my computer. Well, Jon t...

Today was actually pretty fun for me. We went to Glimmerglass state park and I went swimming with my friends, Joanna and Melissa. I love those two; they're amazing =] Then I came home, uploaded pictures, and continued to watch a movie I began this morning called 18 Again!. It has one of my favorite actors in it (Charlie Schlatter) so I loved it. So here's some of our pictures from Glimmerglass XDD: Other than all this, I'm just waiting for Jon♥ to call me hopefully. He's missing me, his message he sent me on AIM earlier said so, so I'm hoping if he doesn't call that he's sleeping and seeing me in his dreams =] Kyle♥ called me at 10:06pm tonight (shocking, since he hates talking on the phone and making calls after ten), and he had gone Christmas shopping in Saratoga. He's still on a search for the Gravitation shirt because he found out that to order it from the catalog he'd need to be a member of the Right Stuf club, which is $15 extra. Sadly, h...