"...it's lacking strings of punctuation at the end..." ~ hellogoodbye<33

It's such a cute song I'm listening to, "Dear Jamie...Sincerely Me" by hellogoodbye. It's about a guy who writes a letter to this girl he likes.

Anyways, I'm sorry that the last post was me blowing up. Everything's alright now; trust me, I'm a lot better =] I've talked to the people that I was mad at and we're all cool now =D If you really want to know what was going on, let's just say I was having a rough week and a lot was getting to me and I was taking it all personally. But by talking to everyone that made me feel like that [and Kyle♥, of course], I'm over it and back to normal [understatement of the year there =P].

Other than that, I hung out with Clayton yesterday; the second time in almost two weeks =D He's so much fun! I really hope we get to hang out more often =]

^_^ Aren't we adorable? =] That's my beautiful teh hottie<33>

^ That's my naked stick Clayton stripped [is it bad that I still have it with me in my room?]

^ I forget which song he was looking for, but I had to get another picture of us somehow...this worked for me =]

Never forget:
hanging out at Krystina's, Disturbia [25/7], my sucky Guitar Hero/Tetris/Devil May Cry skills, the controller had lube on it, the threesome ;], chocolate syrup and peanut butter, annoying Krystina, and so much more! XD


Other than Clayton coming out to Fort Plain, I've talked to Kyle♥ all weekend and I absolutely love him to death and beyond. He is my best friend through everything, even if I never get to see him anymore =[ Just remember: Winter is almost here, which means cold and that counts as being connected to him. Who am I kidding? I'm connected to him 24/7 with the necklace he gave me =D I never take it off, except to shower.

Well, this is going to be another busy week for me. Aside from normal school, I have to find a job and on Thursday I leave for my Senior trip to BOSTON! I can't wait! I LOOOOOOOVE that place so much! Of course, I'll be bringing this and my cell phone so anyone who wants to keep in contact can, unless you want to wait until Monday the 8th [Kyle♥'s birthday] when I return.

I will most likely return before I leave. Until then, I shall leave you all with a poem I wrote this afternoon to a guy I'm starting to fall hard for:

From the first moment I saw you
I knew you were different
And I had to get to know you
When I tried to
You ignored me
Pushed me away, we could call it
Then things changed
We began talking
Distance isn't always a bad thing
In this case, it brought us closer
And now I'm into to you
More than I can express with my words
Through this poem or communication
I'll do anything
To hear you feel the same for me
But I know that'll probably never happen
I've been hurt so many times before
I'm afraid to let you know
How much you mean to me
Because if I'm damaged again
No one could put the pieces back together
So in essence
I really like you
Find you attractive
Want to be with you
Can you say
You want to be with me too?

until next we meet...
♥*
----------------
Now playing: Hellogoodbye - Dear Jamie...Sincerely Me
via FoxyTunes

::WARNING:: I am about to blow up and it's not going to be pretty

So I just read someone who will remain nameless's blog entry for the second time and realized that the only person who honestly trusts me at the moment is Kyle♥, and even then he's afraid to tell me certain things because I'll get upset. What you all have to realize is getting angry, upset, happy, depressed...they're all a part of life. I deal with it how I deal with it, may it be listening to music that fits the mood or crying or watching some of my favorite shows. I'll admit that there are nights when I want to just go off and end my life, but I also know that everyone feels that way sometimes. So if you're one of the people I talk to and we're friends, please don't hold things back from me. Please. It makes me feel like I'm not trusted and that hurts so much worse than actually being pushed away. Yes, I would rather just be told to go away than not know what's going on in their life. I'm not saying I'm nosy, I just like knowing so that if anything happens I don't get a "don't worry about it, it's nothing" only to read about it days later with a "I couldn't tell Kristin this; it would've upset her, but Kristin, I'm sorry". No, I'm sick of it. I'm actually thinking of not talking to anyone anymore. It's the only way I won't get close to someone only to have them push me away [yes, that's what you're doing by holding things back from me, even if it's not your intention]. I'm not a freaking pansy who can't handle anything. I've come a long way from crying over someone liking someone...I am more mature than that.

This is why I need Kyle♥. He'll actually sit there, listen to me cry, and *gasp* TALK TO ME! Yes, there's a lot of communication between us...it's amazing. He's by far my closest friend at the moment, and I can't talk to him until Friday most likely, because he's busy with school work and such. I wish he still lived in Fort Plain, because even he said we'd be hanging out quite a bit, watching Anime and M*A*S*H.

But apparently this is just how it's meant to be for me...
As my away message said, "whateverrrrrr"

until next we meet...
♥*

"...give me envy give malice give me attention..." ~ Panic! At The Disco<333

Today has had its ups and downs to say the least. Let's talk about ups first, shall we? [Even though I'm more of a downs person myself]
I gave a speech on Keanu Reeves in Public Speaking today and I used a slideshow I made as my visual aide. Everyone loved it =] And they all love the fact that I can make slideshows on my laptop =D I'm just a cool kid, I guess. Then I discovered that my digital camera's video recorder records sound! I'm like ecstatic =D I was making videos all night. I then went to Joanna and Melissa's house and Melissa helped me with my English essay, which is all about Kyle♥ [gee, think I miss him much?].
And now for the downs [my favorite *rolls eyes*]. I was up until 2:30am talking to Donny, who I think I'm falling for again [sounds like the Three Days Grace song "Over and Over"]. I know nothing's going to happen though, because I know he doesn't want me like that [no one does anymore]. Then, I came home from Joanna and Melissa's house and Cindy called me, telling me that there's a new guy she likes but I can't know who he is. She's posted some of their conversation in her blog, and just by the way he types things I can tell who it is almost. And yet, even though I've attempted guessing, she doesn't trust me enough to tell me if I'm correct. I take this as a trust issue, and for the life of me, I don't know why she wouldn't trust me. But whatever, I don't care. Lately, everything's been a personal attack to me...*shrugs*

This is why I wish it was Summer again, and I could call Kyle♥ and he could cheer me up, like he usually does. But of course, Summer can't last forever...can it?

Anyways, here's the video[s] we made during study hall[s] today:

Half of it was filmed by Coty and the other by me. Fun stuff =]
Yeah, I'm not in a talkative mood, unless it's to Kyle♥ or Donny...


until next we meet....
♥*

"...and I will be the one to hold you down kiss you so hard I'll take your breath away..." ~ Evans Blue<33333

Oh, how much I love Evans Blue. I downloaded their entire new album [The Pursuit Begins When This Portrait Of Life Ends] and I'm just madly in love with it♥ =] "In a Red Dress And Alone" has to be my favorite track from it =D

Anyways, we last left off with me wanting to take Jon back possibly. Well, he got a new girlfriend, only a day after telling me he loves me and would wait for me. I was horribly upset last night, which is why I didn't blog or anything, but I'm alright. I realize that he's happier with her and I need to accept it and be happy for him. Anyways, I know we'll still be friends, and that alone makes me happy =]
So this means I'm single, which brings me to my next topic. In English today, we talked about what we find attractive in a guy. This would've been fine if had had some input, but no. The other girls completely took over and vetoed everything I said and that just shows how closed minded they all are. I'm sorry I find intellectual and quiet guys attractive and intriguing; they said they didn't want a Kyle♥. That ticked me off a lot but I didn't say anything. And they were saying such trivial things, like "good shoes", "nice body", or "has to be able to dance". I mean, if he's got ripped up shoes, a not firm body, and can't even do the Macarena but still loves me and can listen to me, then I'm happy with him. I might even marry that one...hmmmm, not yet.
*sigh* It felt good to FINALLY get that out of me, it bothered me all day. As you can see, I hope.

Taryn came over earlier and it was fun =D Remember, Franklin loves you and Diamond loves me, except that stupid thing zapped all the money from my phone =P And did you ever find that guy you were looking for on MySpace?

I dyed my hair on Saturday! Actually, I more bleached it, but same difference, right? Anyways, the first person to know was Kyle♥ and he wants to see it in the sunset because "that would look cool".
So, I'm more blond than ever now. And I miss Kyle♥ an illegal amount. I told him he has to move back here but he told me that couldn't happen. The next place he'll go is Japan, where he will stay until he dies =[ This just means I have to visit Japan someday =D WEEEEEE! The home of Anime and Su Doku...I think, don't quote me on that =P
Seriously, though, I miss him an illegal amount. There are some days where I will break down and cry because I know he's not coming back here for anything, except to visit Kevin and maybe me. But even that's a shot in the dark, because Kevin's never home and he doesn't want to come to my house and be with my entire family, which is understandable to me. I just wish he didn't graduate. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm insanely proud of him and I'm happy I got to see the graduation and go to his party, but I need him at school with me. He was the only person who honestly talked to me and listened to me cry and complain about everything. *sigh* I guess I just have to wait a little while longer for Christmas and I'll see him again [and exchange gifts...well, he bought me stuff =P I'm thinking of finally getting him his Katana he's wanted for so long, but I don't know]. It'll come soon enough and it'll be winter, which makes him a lot happier =D

Anyways, I think I'll end here to go watch somemore of The OC [I'm addicted, I kid you not]. But before I leave, I just have to say HIIIIII to my friend Taryn, who just got a Blogspot account =D She's located here <--go check it out, mannnnn!

until next we meet...
♥*

"...my wish is I hope to do for you all that you've done because all that you do is like magic..." ~ Zug Izland <333

Wow, talk about lack of updating....I'm sorry, I've been incredibly busy and when I wasn't busy I just didn't feel like blogging; sad, right?

Anyways, I'll just give you the main highlights of the past week or so.
Cindy came over and we talked to Kory until almost 5am, in which they became pretty good friends. They still talk a lot, and maybe just maybe something will come out of this.
Jon and I tried dating again. It was good until he started to break down and I had no idea how to help him. It wasn't like a Kyle♥ break down [those I can handle]. So right now, we're just friends. Maybe in the distant future after I get out of school and such we'll try again, but I don't know.
I got the job at Price Chopper, finally. Went for Orientation last Wednesday and I start sometime this week, which means less updates from me, but at least now I can go on my Senior trip. I can't freakin' waitttt! It's going to rock! =D
I had my 18th birthday party with my friends this past Saturday and it was pretty cool. Adam, Cindy and I baked the cake, which no one else but Kyle♥ liked it. Yes, Kyle♥ came [even if he got lost trying to find my house].

[NOTE :: I know he looks unhappy here; just keep reading!]

He didn't talk most of the night until Cindy said we should go in the kitchen and I went to him and said, "Oooh, yes, my kitchen is kinky; it has counters!" and he laughed. Sadly, after about 20 minutes there he had to leave, but before he left, we hugged:
And now I miss him like crazy =[ He gave me an amazing necklace:
It's the one I'm holding here ^-^ It's a metal feather with a heart engulfed in flames on it.

Anyways, yesterday was my actual birthday and also the first coldest day of the year. So naturally my body hated me and I came home earlier from school, and stayed home again today.
As I stayed home today, I realized: I want to be a Juggalette. They're amazing and beautiful and completely happy with themselves just as they are. I'm going to be one. And plus I LOVE the music of Zug Izland. Dark Lotus, and ICP. So I think I have a shot =] I'm talking to someone named MiZZ TWiiGGY about it so I hope she can help me.

So I'm officially 18 and single. I'm not looking for anyone else though, because I love Kyle♥ with everything I am. Nothing is going to change that and nobody's going to take that away from me =] He's my best friend. my Stitch, my crazy Hentai spider =D

And with that, I shall leave you until who knows when? I have to go do my homework *rolls eyes*

until next we meet...
♥*

Oh, and really quick:
Jeannie, I'll help you with your Template =] Just IM me sometime tomorrow afternoon or something [my time].

"...go run for cover you better start to love her so much you're moving on and on..." ~ Evans Blue<3333

My day was first up then slowly got down. I actually got my bus this morning, which was nice and I listened to my MP3 all the way to school. When we got to the school, I was blasting "Beg" by Evans Blue and thinking, "Gosh, this song is speaking to me somehow...gee..." but then I got breakfast and headed upstairs where I talked to Allyson about how I wanted Jon back and how jealous I was the Kyle♥ already found a Japanese girl to talk to. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy he's making friends, but I also know how much he likes Japanese women. I'm just jealous, that's all.
Anyways, classes were a bit better today, except Chorus, because the teacher treats us like we're Kindergardeners. Then after class, all of us who were a part of Harmony and Choralaires came up and started discussing how we wanted them back, until this stuck-up girl decided that Choralaires wouldn't work, and the teacher of course agreed with her over Syri and I, who were only in that group. Whatever. I walked home, yet again, blasting "Beg". I took a couple pictures, but only one came out even remotely good:

As I walked home, I saw Souni so we talked for a while, all about Kyle♥. She reassured me that nothing went on between them and that she didn't want him. I knew she didn't want him but he wanted her, just because she's Asian. That's my best friend's fantasy; to screw an Asian chick. You can change a lot about yourself, but you cannot change your nationality, so sadly I can't become Asian or Japanese or anything =[
Then I get home and Jon's online so I figured, "Hey, I'll tell him I want him back". Oh, it was going well, until he tells me that there's another girl he likes that likes him back. Now he's conflicted so I might just say "SCREW IT!" I then realized "Beg" is my song to this situation. But I won't get too into that.
After that, nothing seemed to go my way. My parents are bugging me to plan activities for my birthday party which is something my friends and I just don't do. I can't go on my Senior Trip to Boston because I don't have the money for it, and Boston is my favorite place in the world.

I guess I can be happy I'm turning 18 in 11 days! I can't wait =D And I can't wait for my party; I get to be with Kyle♥ for the day XDD That alone makes me feel completely ecstatic!

Anyways, always look on the bright side: Cindy's coming tomorrow! =D

Oh, speaking of Cindy, read this dream she had last night; it's scarily accurate to our lives. The word "dream" is a link =P


until next we meet...
♥*

"...I'd drive my car off the bridge if I knew you weren't inside..." ~ Brand New<333

First day back at school, and I already hate it.
Ok, so hate is a strong word. But I really don't like it, except for Psychology. That class is amazing! =] Other than that, I've got Gym everyday and alot of Study Halls, so basically I've got an easy day, if I can keep up with all the work and crap. *sigh* And if one more teacher asks me about Kyle♥, I'm going to flip! I mean, yeah, I love the guy but to hear something about him in all my classes makes me realize how smart he is and, in turn, how stupid I am. But this is my year to show them all that I can be something better than I was in the past. Why do I say this? For the most part, it's because I've got Kyle♥ on my case this year and he won't let me fail. That's just another reason I love him so much =]

In English, we got this packet about writing our College Admissions Essay, and in it, it listed blogger.com as a good site for blogging. I felt so cool, since that's what I'm using right now =D Honestly, I like this site better than all the others because it's private and small; no one likes it all that much and I can do more HTML and stuff to it and make it more personalized.

Anyways, you better believe I got a couple pictures from today:

^_^ Sherry and I during Gym =P LOCKER BUDDIES!!!!! XDDXDDXDD

^_^ Coty during Study Hall, busying herself by looking through a Science catalog. I still want a plushie germ XDD

^_^ Mike, unaware that his picture was being taken =P

^_^ Liz took this one. I actually look good; tired but good.

^_^ Another one by Liz. Upclose XDD

Then, I came home and got bored enough to make graphics with Microsoft Paint. Yes, the one that comes with your computer. These just prove how much I miss Kyle♥:

^_^ I surrounded him with the lyrics to the song "Blue and Yellow" by The Used. If you've read my entire blog and know the Kristin-and-Kyle situation, you'll understand why I picked this song to surround him with =]

^_^ Our hands covered in the words to "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service. I love Kyle♥ and this is a love song =D See the connection? ;]

Well, that was basically my night. I hope Kyle♥ calls me if only for a few minutes after 9 tonight, because that's how much I miss him right now =[ Jon's going to call me and I'm going to tell him to give me a little time to get readjusted to school and stuff then maybe we can try dating again. I really do need to get back into the swing of waking up at 6:30am each morning, which means going to sleep before 2am =P

And with that, I shall leave you all to find an outfit for tomorrow =D

K Star xx: I <3 you AB
aMUSICgMANb8: i know
K Star xx: haha wowwww

aMUSICgMANb8: much luv 2 u 2 KS
K Star xx: yay, I feel loved

aMUSICgMANb8: as u should

until next we meet...
♥*

"...hide and seek, dreams and sewing machines..." ~ Imogen Heap<333

SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW!!!!!!
And of course, I'm all ready the night before....

I'm here to be the dork and show you the back-to-school prep I've done =P

^_^ My hair; emo-style XDD Or for those of us who are into hair, it's the side-parted style. Doesn't take too much effort, but looks amazing =]

^_^ My outfit, which consists of khakis, T-shirt that says "I Love A Guy In Uniform" with Spiderman on it, and my notorious black hooded sweater =]

So with all this, I think I'm ready...for tomorrow, at least =D

SENIOR CLASS OF 2008, here we come! XDD

STOLE THIS FROM MY ONE FRIEND'S LIVEJOURNAL:

- Pick your birth month.
- Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you. [I'm making these italics because I can't strike out here]
- Bold the ones that best apply to you.
- Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a lj-cut [for those of us who use LJ still].

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.




JANUARY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH:
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL:
Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER:
Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER:
Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER:
Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.



until next we meet...
♥*

"...I don't believe in fairytales..." ~ Avenged Sevenfold<33

So I decided to change my layout here again, because the other one was a bit too complicated, although it didn't look like it. This one I uses the new version of Blogger templates so I'm better with it.

School starts tomorrow, and I'm scared. It's so overwhelming this year, being a Senior and having all the little kids look up to me (and I can call them "kids"; I'll be 18 in two weeks). And for once, I have no one in the immediate area I could look up to and run to when I get hurt. Everything is on me. Wow...scary thought, huh? I'm in control now and I'm terrified.
Other than that, I told Bling to look for Kyle♥ because I worry about him too, especially since I'm not there to keep an eye on him anymore =[ I miss that man so much, it's not funny. But I get to see him on September 15 for my birthday party so I cannot wait =D

Other than all this confusion and stress, I met a pretty cool girl today. Her name's Jeannie and she also has a Blogger *points at Friends list*. She's from Malaysia, just like Li Yin =D They're so cool, those two! I cannot wait until after school's out and I might go visit there XDD Kyle♥'s hoping I will (mainly because he finds Asians of all kind incredibly irresistible *rolls eyes and gets jealous*). *sigh* Such a happy goal =]

So with that, I shall leave you with this:
Look around, explore, get to know me a bit more than you already do =D
Welcome to The Diary Of Kristin ♥*


until next we meet...
♥*

"...pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts..." ~ Hollywood Undead<333

First of all, do we all like the layout? I found it on http://createblog.com and I'm very happy with it =]

Anyways, as I said, I didn't do too much today, just basically cleaned my room:
I figured I'd take pictures because we never know when it'll be this clean again ;] It took me almost three hours to do it, so I'm kinda proud of myself =]
Then, this really cute guy who they call Bling sent me a comment on MySpace so we talked back and forth for a while tonight, except his AOL kept signing him off, which sucked. But I think we're going to talk again tomorrow. He starts college at the same place Kyle♥'s going so maybe they'll see each other =] Ooooh, two hot guys in one room ;] *giggles*

Anyways, no idea what I'm doing for my last day of summer vacation tomorrow. Wednesday is my first official day as a Fort Plain High School Senior =D I'm super excited!

And here's some random thoughts about my attic room from my friend Kory and I:
NeoForce: I need a lock on my door ;P
NeoForce: moms gunna catch me one of these days
K Star xx: hahahaah wow
K Star xx: mine doesn't catch me, she cant climb my stairs
NeoForce: well
NeoForce: you got it easy
NeoForce: unless you're totally nude
NeoForce: u dont got much to hide
NeoForce: just move ur hand
NeoForce: :P:
K Star xx: hahaha niice

NeoForce: well its true xD

I think I'm going to go to bed now....


until next we meet...
♥*

I feel like I screwed up somehow, and I know I didn't. You can't make someone love you, they have to come to that conclusion on their own. Jon wanted me to love him, and I couldn't. I just couldn't. I do love him, but not as he would like me to love him, and I know that that's not good enough. I'm never good enough. I can never do something good enough for anyone. That's why I had to leave Jon. I just don't love him.
I do love Kyle♥, but he doesn't return the same love, which hurts me sometimes, but in the end, I know he's my best guy friend and he'll be there for me anyway he can be =] I have no clue what my future holds, especially on the Jon front, but I do know this: I want to graduate, move out, go to college, have a successful life. Then maybe, just maybe, I'll find someone to love who loves me back =D

Anyways, no idea what I'm doing for the rest of the day, except maybe watching 18 Again! and talking to people on the phone, but not Kyle♥ because he's going to sleep early like a good boy because he's got school in the morning tomorrow =D I'm so proud of him and I know he's proud of me becoming a Senior as well XDD

I found this song, and I think it describes how Jon is feeling about our situation right now:
HOLLYWOOD UNDEAD LYRICS

My Black Dahlia


[The Server aka Endless Summer 2:]
I loved you, you made me, hate me.
You gave me, hate, see?.
It saved me and these tears are deadly.
You feel that?
I rip back, every time you tried to steal that.
You feel bad? you feel sad?
I'm sorry, hell no fuck that!
It was my heart, it was my life, it was my start, it was your knife.
This strife it dies, this life and these lies.
And these lungs have sung this song for too long, and its true I hurt too, remember I loved you!

[Chorus - Tha Producer aka Da Seducer:]
I've , Lost it all, fell today, It's all the same
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no
I've , been abused, I feel so used, because of you
I'm sorry oh
I'm sorry no

[J-Dog aka The Flat Iron Chef:]
I wish I could I could have quit you.
I wish I never missed you,
And told you that I loved you, every time I fucked you.
The future that we both drew, and all the shit we've been through.
Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew!
How could you do this to me?
Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you.
I used to be love struck; now I'm just fucked up.
Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!

[Chorus]

[Bridge - Tha Producer and Shady]
Seems like all we had is over now you left to rest.
And your tears are dried up now, you just lay without a sound.
Seems like all we had is over now, you left to rest.
And my fears are over now, I can leave with my head down.

[Chorus]



And with that, I'll leave you all for lunch or something....

until next we meet...
♥*

"..the heat of affection, a fragile mind, because of you..." ~ Unwritten Law<333

So I decided today that Jon and I shouldn't be together. Alot of it was because I'm not attracted to him at all, but most of it was because during church today I was praying about what I should do with this situation I'm in and God told me to get rid of Jon, that he was bringing me down and everything because he's not Christian. Yes, I am a Christian, and if you have a problem with it, I'm sorry but you shouldn't be reading my blog. I gave my life to the Lord when I was 8 years old and completely confirmed it in February when I went to a Youth Challenge at Pine Crest Bible Training Center. That was one of the greatest weekends of my entire life, and I cannot wait to hopefully go back next winter again =]

Anyways, I did it. Jon and I are over. He still loves me and cares about me...probably just a little too much, because what happened was Kyle♥ called me while I was talking to him and we made it like he was here with me, typing on my computer. Well, Jon told Kyle♥ he wants to marry me but would never tell me because he knows it would scare me (yeahh, just a little) and then went on to say that he hopes Kyle♥ can make me happy and Kyle♥ pointed out to him that I'm independent and that only I can control my happiness. Jon then had to go because he was on Donny's laptop but we got him in an off-line message and he read it with no reply. Then, he came back online and I attempted to talk to him, again with Kyle♥ on the phone with me, and Kyle♥ made me stop because he said that Jon was bringing me into depression, and he was right. At one point, I was blasting "Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd until Kyle♥ told me to shut it off and lay down in my bed. We finally came to a point of conclusion after about 45 minutes of me crying to him about how worried I was and how sorry I was that I was hurting Jon. I still care about the guy, I just don't love him. I don't think I can at this point; I love Kyle♥, and he's my best friend. Nothing's going to change that =]
And tonight was probably the last night he and I could talk as late as we did, because he starts college on Tuesday at 8am. I'm happy for him =] But I am going to miss our late-night talks about our naughty bits and such ;] Oh, how I love him! XDD

Anyways, that was my "excitement" for the day, although I did get down and out enough to make this to try and cheer myself up:

^-^ FoxtrotUniformCharlieKilo
[[I don't wanna beat around the bush]]♥

And with that, I think I'll go watch 18 Again! and dose off.

until next we meet...
♥*

"...wrapped in all of her promises that no one seems to keep..." ~ Anastacia<33

Today was actually pretty fun for me. We went to Glimmerglass state park and I went swimming with my friends, Joanna and Melissa. I love those two; they're amazing =]
Then I came home, uploaded pictures, and continued to watch a movie I began this morning called 18 Again!. It has one of my favorite actors in it (Charlie Schlatter) so I loved it.

So here's some of our pictures from Glimmerglass XDD:
Other than all this, I'm just waiting for Jon♥ to call me hopefully. He's missing me, his message he sent me on AIM earlier said so, so I'm hoping if he doesn't call that he's sleeping and seeing me in his dreams =]
Kyle♥ called me at 10:06pm tonight (shocking, since he hates talking on the phone and making calls after ten), and he had gone Christmas shopping in Saratoga. He's still on a search for the Gravitation shirt because he found out that to order it from the catalog he'd need to be a member of the Right Stuf club, which is $15 extra. Sadly, he's not that much of a Right Stuf fan so...he's on a mission to find this shirt. He already bought me the Gravitation pins set from FYE. *sigh* I've tried to tell him that if he can't find the shirt it's ok, but he's determined now =P And there's no stopping a determined Kyle♥, but that's one of the many reasons I love that man.

Speaking of that, Jon♥ feels very threatened by Kyle♥ because for some reason he thinks I may run off with him or something. No I won't, Kyle♥ and I are best friends...maybe with some benefits, but I'm not just going to leave Jon♥ for Kyle♥. I mean, yes, I love Kyle♥ to death, but it would destroy our friendship and all I've worked for if we were to date and pursue a relationship with one another. And Jon♥ loves me with everything he is and worships the ground I walk on. Now why would I want to leave that? ;] My darling has nothing to worry about. At least, when it comes to Kyle♥. Kyle♥'s my Stitch and Jon♥'s my lover =D I want them to attempt to get along, but I know that won't happen; they're both very antisocial =[ But whatever.

Anyways, I'm talking to Cindy on AIM and listening to music, still waiting for Jon♥ to maybe call. Isn't it sad that I'm saying "maybe he'll call"? *sigh*


until next we meet...
♥*